Ancestral Journey: Homeward Bound

When I first arrived in Europe and people would ask me where I am from, I would answer California. It seemed easier than explaining I was born in Colorado, but had moved to California (three times).

But something shifted in the last few weeks and now when people ask, I say I am from Colorado.

This could have to do with the fact that my dear friend Susan has given me the moniker Feisty Colorado (a la Carmen San Diego) because she is never quite sure where in the world I am.

Okay, it’s not really about that. I am just trying to make a joke because this post is hard for me to write.

You see, after all my excitement about my horizons being open and talking to anyone who would listen about all the grand possibilities (New Zealand! Thailand!) it turns out I am back on my itinerary.

On the first of October, I fly to Colorado.

Don’t get me wrong. I looove Colorado. It’s just that things are difficult there for me, and because of that I haven’t been home in five years.

I don’t talk about it much here, but my relationship with my parents is really strained. I haven’t talked to them much in the last few years, a choice I made so I could do some deep work and get to a stronger place within myself. So I have avoided going home.

And yet, my original itinerary included a trip to Colorado, something I was prepared to abandon in my excitement about seeing more of the world.

But all the signs lead to me going back rather than continuing to travel abroad. The ancestors want me to go. My inner child wants me to go. The I-Ching and the Runes are pointing to home. Conversations I am having with friends are convincing me it is time. And then, there is this dream:

**I am walking through a building that feels much like the Boulder Target. Outside it is just starting to snow fat, delicate flakes. It is dusk. I can see the Flatirons. I say, “God, I love being in this place.” I feel very happy.**

Several things strike me here. First, it is dusk, a time of transition. Second, it is just starting to snow, another transition (and it isn’t too long before the snow arrives in Colorado). Third, my declaration to the Divine, and to myself, that I love Boulder. And last, that I am in a Target.

You might remember from an earlier post that I dreamed about Target at the beginning of the trip. After he heard that dream, my Dream Tribe colleague Ryan suggested I “go off Target,” meaning I should go off my itinerary. And I did.

Therefore, at first it worried me that the physical location of this new dream was in a Target. But I am not worried about that any longer. Because my relationship to the Boulder Target is much different than my relationship to the Fort Collins Target, where I was in the first dream.

At the Boulder store I was promoted to a manager. I had lots of friends I loved. The view from the store really is amazing. And it is also the first job I quit because I knew I could find something better.

So to me, this dream is about me making choices. It is about me managing my life and taking steps to bring about some real happiness. I do love Boulder. I have always said I would probably end up living there again. Perhaps that time is now.

After all, the heroine has to return home after her long journey to bring back what she has learned. And it is for that reason I feel ready to face the situation with my family and start doing the healing work I have been preparing for for years.

It is clear this is what the ancestors are asking of me. And how can I deny them this after all they have given me on this journey?

As Susan pointed out, isn’t Colorado an important part of my ancestry too? She’s a wise one.

So, in keeping with following my heart and listening to the ancestor’s guidance, I am homeward bound. It is easily the scariest part of my trip (forget rappelling over an 80-foot cliff). Any prayers, well-wishes, blessings, or kind thoughts are most welcome. I know you are all holding me and I have immense gratitude for that.